Early June Update

It’s a gorgeous day and I ought to be out on the sea, putting in the miles while the weather conditions are so benign. Rather guiltily though, I’ve opted to take a day off to catch up on my mounting administrative responsibilities. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve received innumerable emails and messages offering me assistance, words of support and enquiries about my adventure. I’m a poor time manager when it comes to keeping on top of correspondences, invariably ending up in the situation I now find myself in, where I feel the weight of guilty despondence at being such a slacker.

I could list a number of excuses why I don’t better organise my time ashore, but I feel these would sound hollow. Instead, it’s more honest to acknowledge my administrative tardiness as a personal trait I need to adjust. There is one immediate task though, which I’m determined to attend to as a matter of priority. This is a heartfelt expression of gratitude for the recent incredible kindness and generosity shown to me.

Many of you will know of my ‘incident’ a week ago, when I was hit by two huge waves while launching in my kayak to round Duncansby Head, the north eastern tip of mainland Scotland (Britain). During this debacle I lost my precious GoPro Hero Max 360º camera, my invaluable podcast recording equipment and my favourite well worn baseball cap. Thankfully I came away from the disaster unscathed and somehow remained upright in my kayak. To be frank, I expected an event of this nature to occur during my year long journey but nonetheless, I was shocked at the suddenness and the violence when it did. I went on afterwards to complete a successful day of kayaking without further issues. When arriving on shore in the late afternoon, now on the east coast of Caithness, I shared on social media what had occurred.

Words and expressions of support were immediate in response. Literally hundreds of folks replied with warmth and commiserations. Amongst these messages were a considerable number of suggestions I establish a crowd funding page to replace the items I lost. Initially I resisted, stating the incident was largely down to error of judgement on my part and I wasn’t comfortable asking people to donate for lost equipment because of this. However, the kind offers of financial support were insistent and I eventually admitted to having an ‘Expedition Patronage’ link on my website.

Immediately after posting this information, my inbox lit up with myriad notifications of donations. I was blown away! It’s difficult to find the words to describe the feelings and emotions I experienced as the donations rolled in, many with accompanying messages of kindness. I’m truly deeply grateful for every penny I’ve been given, along with the many warm sentiments. I’m humbled. It’s a grateful affirmation for me, my journey and my efforts resonate for so many people. I never expected this and yet, realising this is the case, I’m really very pleased my personal goals for this venture hold meaning for so many others. I certainly did not embark on my year long journey to garner fame, or glorify myself in the online world. I admit though, the recognition I’m receiving is helpful to a positive personal sense of self, which all too often is lacking within me.

I have a strong sense of wanting to offer something tangible in return for the support I’m receiving. It doesn’t feel enough that the nature of my adventure and my presence on social media alone, are reciprocally sufficient. Likewise the simple words, “thank you”, do not contain the impact to express the gratitude I want to express. Hence this written update today. Somehow I hope, I’m conveying the immense positive consequence your unsolicited kindness has for me.

I’m embarrassed to admit the amount of donations I’ve received is considerably eye watering and I’m now in the normally inconceivable position, of seemingly infinite choices for equipment replacements. Not only this, I’m also in the position of considering strategic purchases to support me once my adventure is completed. Here I’m thinking of what I require to edit the thousands of images and hundreds of minutes of film footage I have, and the means to give professional audio visual presentations around the country. In short, continue to share my story with impact. Until now, I calculated it would be eventual book sales about this adventure which would fulfil these aspirations.

The opportunities you have provided me have literally overnight, altered the landscape of my post adventure plans. I’m emboldened to complete this journey with deeper intent, with a sense of freedom the positivity the future now holds for me. It’s incredibly rewarding to believe that even when the journey comes to a close, there is much to be enjoyed beyond. As the time of my arrival back in Tobermory draws closer, I’ve been considering my plans after the dust has settled. Short of the obvious book to be written, I’ve been mulling a number of options. Some of these are grandiose and others mundane.

Out of adversity comes a chance for positive change, or as Kurt Hahn (the founder of the Outward Bound movement) said, “Your disability is your opportunity.” This is certainly true for me, living with severe and enduring depression as I do. If it weren’t for this illness, I doubt I would have embarked on a year long sea kayaking quest around Scotland as I have done. It is also true losing a camera, sound recording equipment and a baseball cap, have provided me with the opportunity to go on and add more weight behind my purpose for my adventure. With wise choices, I will have the means to continue to reach a wide audience and share my philosophy of the power of Nature and adventure to positively impact the process of recovery. This fills me with a great deal of excitement.

My journey is far from nearly done, but I feel I’m at the beginning of the homeward stretch. It is comforting to know in a few months time I will no longer be itinerant, and I admit to feeling homesick. I’m determined not to rush the ending of this journey, giving scant regard to the experiences I’ve yet to encounter and enjoy. There is still much to be gained every day. However, I can now think with increased clarity of my future after I return and this alone is hugely significant. After all, I live with the spectre of suicidal ideation and the reality of positive hope of a sustained bright future in my life, makes worthy every ounce of effort on the sea, camping, endurance and challenge I’ve encountered.

You, my supporters in word, contribution, interaction and spirit, have positively assisted me in reaching this realisation. For this, I can merely say, “Thank You”, but those two words are emitted from the centre of my being.

This is all immensely powerful stuff for me.

Thank you.

Update 23rd April